"Why Good-Enough Parenting is More than Enough"
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt like a bad parent…
I see you.
Have you ever been so tired you’ve just given in to the relentless requests for the I-Pad or been so behind in your grocery shopping that you are fairly certain the kids haven’t eaten a vegetable all weekend? Have you ever just dreaded the push-and-pull of bedtime that you let them stay up way past what is reasonable? Have you ever felt like you are the only one that can’t keep it all together when it comes to the parenting gig? Why is it so damn hard?
Sometimes I wonder, what is the standard I’m even trying to reach as a parent? Social media is full of great parents, isn’t it? Parents whose kids don’t talk back, who get a full night’s sleep, who live in a house that is put-together and clean. Every time I go online, I’m exposed to what I consider “good” parenting, but then I notice myself holding my own parenting to these insane standards. Obviously - social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives. It’s curated, misleading and unrealistic. So why do we still let this “highlight reel” impact who we are and how we see ourselves as parents? We end up putting so much unreasonable pressure on ourselves and are left in a nagging trap of guilt, shame, and feeling like a failure.
Good Enough Parenting: Why Perfect Isn’t the Goal
The idea of Good Enough Parenting was first introduced by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s—and honestly, it’s just as relevant (and reassuring!) today. But what does it actually mean?
At its core, good enough parenting means this: you don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent. In fact, striving for perfection can sometimes do more harm than good. What kids really need are parents who are attuned, responsive, and consistent—most of the time. Not all the time. Not flawlessly. Just enough of the time.
Think about it this way - we always teach children that mistakes help them learn and grow, well this is the same for parenting. Parenting mistakes help both parents, and the children become more resilient and allow them to learn that the world isn’t perfect! Secure attachment doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from repairing after rupture, from showing up consistently, and from building trust over time.
How can I be a Good Enough Parent?
Validate your child and their needs rather than always trying to fix the problem. Children actually are better problem solvers after their feelings have been validated.
Apologize when you lose it. You’re human. Acknowledge the mistake and lean into the magic of repair. This creates emotional safety in the relationship.
Create routines but allow yourself to be flexible. We all know kids feel thrive with a schedule, however, when things change unexpectedly, you can role-model the ability to pivot when needed.
Give yourself permission to be imperfect and remember, kids don’t need perfect, they need human!
How can Brookhaven Psychotherapy help?
You are not alone, if you feel like further support is needed, Brookhaven psychotherapy can provide parenting consultations, and family therapy.
To learn more about how our clinic can help you, don’t hesitate to contact us today and book a session.
